I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
