you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
