Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
