Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
