Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No...this little piggys going to the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
