why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
