Im at strip club and am horny
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
