My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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