So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
