you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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