plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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