I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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