I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
