It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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