Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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