Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
