He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize