quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
