I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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