I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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