Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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