i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
