look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's blow job season.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
