gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
