my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
