Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize