Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
