So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
