Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize