In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
