You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
