he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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