I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Come see our sink grown plant.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
