I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize