I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
