my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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