I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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