You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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