she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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