making cat noises will not fix the situation.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
