At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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