he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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