i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
