her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize