im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
