is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
