I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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