I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
