he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
