Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize