He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
