You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
