It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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