thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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