He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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