Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
