Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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