I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
