You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize