half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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