Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
