I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
