Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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