My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
