I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
