Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
