My cat gives me a boner
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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