I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
