i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
