I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize