Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
