it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
