new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
