You were right. It hurts to walk today.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
