This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
