I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
