Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
