I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
