I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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