I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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