I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
