i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize