Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
